Monday, October 31, 2005

Mr. Smith, It's 5:00 am



Okay, so I understand. I said last week's blog would be delayed. Well, it was ... delayed till today. My apologies to the three of you that read it. I will attempt to do a better job.

I must tell you of my bizzare experience the other day. I was quiety snoozing in the relative comfort of the "deluxe apartment in the sky" when a knock came at my door. I was confused as I am not in the habit of accepting visitors at 5:00 am.

I stumbled to the door in the darkness, my big toe ethusiastically reminding me where I had left a set of dumbells. When I opened the door, there stood a woman and a man that I did not know. The woman told me, "I need you to protect me from this man!" Uh, come again?

She began to explain to me how I needed to let her come in so that she could be protected from this man (I would find out later, her boyfriend) because she didn't feel safe. I should point out, that the two of throughout this ordeal argued back and forth over the details of what was going on in their lives (despite the fact that I continually reminded them that, since I didn't know them, I didn't really know what to believe).

I will have to say that the man seemed much more lucid than the woman, but he seemed just as puzzled by the whole thing as I was. Here were a few of the highlights of this 20-25 minute discussion:
  • The woman kept trying to very subtly push herself into the apartment. I was forced on several occasions to ask her politely to step back out of my apartment.
  • One thing they seemed to agree on .. they lived in Sulphur Springs (with the woman's husband ... yeah! I thought that was weird, too) and had apparently driven down to Greenville because the woman wanted to go here. When they stopped for gas, she went into get ice and then snuck over to my apartment for my "help"
  • The woman told me six or seven times that she was "covered by the blood of Jesus" as a means of convincing me that her story was true. In other words, how could she possibly be lying if she was covered by the blood of Jesus. By the second or third time, I found myself thinking, "The blood of Jesus smells suspiciously like gin."
  • There was some disagreement as to who actually owned the car they were riding in, but the guy seemed willing to sacrifice the car, if she would give him his cell phone (good trade) ... the cell phone which, of course, she initially claimed she never had only later to rescind her story (at a time when she was evidently not covered with the blood of Jesus) to say that when he wasn't looking, she threw it out the window. Apparently this happened as they were driving down here, thus proving that the man was an extremely attentive driver.
  • The man claimed that she had sold all of his stuff and had taken the money (yet, he was still with her ... semper fi!)
  • I offered to call the police to help resolve the situation. The woman was for it, the guy was indifferent. Unfortuately, to call the police, I would need to shut the door and lock it to go and get the phone. The woman was uncomfortable with this. She wanted to come into my apartment for safety reasons.
  • The man, in apparent frustration, started going down the stairs to leave on four or five occasions, but would always come back up and begin rehashing the story.
  • The woman was twice the size of the man and from my perspective, never seemed to be in danger or even afraid, despite her continued assertions that she needed to get away from this man.
  • After about twenty minutes, the woman simply announced that she was going back to the convenience store to ask for help. The man then asked if I was married. When I told him no he said, nodding his head, "Now I understand ... I get it!" After considering his comments, I thought to myself, WHAAAAAAAT?"

I went to my back porch and watched the woman saunter back to the store (I use this word to indicate the obvious lack of frantic concern I would have thought she might have, given our conversation).

The whole event was puzzling indeed. Many questions flooded my mind: If she was so concerned about this guy, why didn't she tell the store clerk in the first place? If you are trying to sneak away and you use the excuse, "I'm going to get some ice." Do you actually bother to get a cup of ice? Why didn't they stop at my downstairs neighbor, Tom? (Not that I wish this on him, but why bother coming up the stairs to look for help).

A friend of mine, we'll call him Erry-tay Yson-day, speculates that these were probably people looking for drug money. I suppose I imagine they would be a little more forceful if that were the case. Fortunately, no weapons were produced during the exchange (However, with a match and and a little lung power, I believe the woman could a fashioned a rudimentary blowtorch with her 120 proof breath). I tend to classify it more toward the Ripley's Believe It or Not category. But it begs the question: How does one best handle a situation like this one? I tried my best to play the mediator for a very wacky situation, but don't feel like I offered them much help (of course, I'm not sure they were even looking for help). Is the answer to look through the peephole while announcing, "I have already dialed 9-1-1 ... now state your business!"

I don't know, I just know it was, by far, the strangest wake-up call I ever heard of ... well, except for that time I threw a live snake in the bed of a couple of youth in my first ministry ... he sighs to remembering ... good times!

Posted by Dave Smith at 10:26 AM | | Comments

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

This week's post delayed

Getting busy this week. So I will post later this evening. In the meantime, here is an action shot of Greenville Middle School's finest volleyball star I know. They lost a tough match to Sulphur Springs last night, but Jess was awesome ... she had her finest serving game that I have seen to date. Just look at her stylish form on the serve here!

Posted by Dave Smith at 9:07 AM | | Comments


Jessalyn Dyson ... volleyball star

Posted by Dave Smith at 7:10 AM | | Comments

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

This Time It's Personal ... I Guess

Michael Jordan started this whole thing you know. He retired, then a couple of years later, decided that he wasn't quite finished. Of course, the rumors were that he "retired" (that is, "was suspended") because of his infamous gambling problem. I seriously doubt it. After all, the NBA sort of "hung its collective hat" on his Royal Airness. I think if Jordan had said, "From now on, during games we should have 3-4 hyenas running around on the court" the league would have implemented the rule change immediately. I mean seriously, he had that whole if-I-miss-a-shot-and-frown-immediately-the referees-will-call-a-foul-on-the-closest-player-to-me rule added after his third year in the league.

Anyway, he really ended up being a pathetic baseball player so, surprise, he came out of retirement and was good again. After a few years, he retired again only to unretire once again to give us the sad picture of Michael's final days in a Wizards uniform.

The effect was frightening. All over the place, celebrities insisted that "If Michael can unretire, so can I" and we had unretirements all over the place with varied levels of success. Magic Johnson decided to make a comeback, even after hosting a very successful 3-night talk show. George Foreman came out of retirement and won the heavyweight championship of the world, but stole our hearts with the invention of the George Foreman Grill (By the way, a side note: I think we all understand that someone else invented the grill and said, "Hey, who is a huge schill that we could get to endorse this?" But it makes me wonder, is there some guy out there in America quietly cursing George Foreman because he invented it, but George is taking all the credit simply because the Murray Dweddlebom Grill just didn't have market appeal?)

But yesterday we reached the pinnacle, the day that I believe requires that we, with one voice cry out, "Stop the madness!" (that reminds me, I hope Susan Powter never comes out of retirement). While perusing some news items of the day I came across an intriguing, yet concerning story: ROCKY IS COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT. 30 years after Sylvester Stallone first doned the gloves for Rocky he has signed on to write and star in the sixth Rocky movie, tenatively titled Rocky Balboa. Seriously, outside of Stallone, his parents, and Burt Young, who is demanding for this movie to be made? Don't get me wrong, Rocky has reached iconic status in our culture and for me personally has provided many years of memories.

Rocky I gave us a hero for the common man. A guy who shouldn't have been where he was, but embraced the moment and fought the fight of his life, only to come up just short. Interesting side note obtained at IMDB: an alternate ending for the movie included Apollo Creed's fans carrying him out of the ring on their shoulders and Rocky's fans doing the same. Unfortunately the film was so budget restricted that they couldn't afford enough extras to pull it off and, get this, some of the extras began punching Stallone and Carl Weathers. What was going on? Why would extras in a movie suddenly turn on the stars of the movie and begin pummeling them with their fists? Very odd.

Rocky II gave us all the rematch we craved. After all, Rocky was jobbed in the first movie, he should have won ... yes, at some point, reality and fantasy began to cloud in my young mind.

As a for instance, at the premiere of Rocky III, I went to the movie with Wendy Putnam. Man, she was beautiful. To this day, whenever the movie shows up on TNT every other week, I get a little misty thinking about what a magical date that was with Wendy. In addition to the romantic possibilities with Wendy, Rocky III introduced us to the sheer entertainment quality of two legends, Mr. T as Clubber Lang and Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips (that name ... genius)


Rocky IV gave us what we wanted as a nation, a way to beat the evil Soviet empire. Does anyone else find it ironic that the Berlin wall came down just a short time after those famous words were uttered, "If I can change ... and yous can change ... we can all change!"

Rocky V, I am in agreement with ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons on this, never happened.

Has America been clamouring for details as to what has happened to Rocky over the years. Are we ready for a 60 year-old Rocky? Are we prepared for a story that borders on the asinine? The actual storyline described in the news story I read said:


Stallone will play the Philadelphia boxer who is lured out of a long retirement to fight a championship bout while dealing with personal tragedy outside the ring.

"Rocky Balboa is about everybody who feels they want to participate in the race of life, rather than be a bystander. You're never too old to climb a mountain, if that's your desire," Stallone said in a statement.

I remember the immortal Burgess Merideth, playing the role of Mickey, telling Rocky in the third installment that he couldn't fight Clubber Lang because he was too old and that the beating Apollo gave him should have made him retire then. What would Mickey say now? Of course, had he not come back then, we would have missed his legendary victory over the same Clubber Lang, not to mention one of the most awkward man-hugs in cinematic history after Rocky and Apollo's race on the beach.

You see why I am so conflicted? One of the icons of my youth wants to go one more time and, wishing to recapture the joy of my youth, something inside of me wants to see it. However, a larger part of me thinks, "This will be sad and unfortunately comical." Trust me, it is not out of concern for a tarnishing of Sly Stallone's image. That happened long ago with the movie Oscar and was confirmed with Stop, or My Mom will Shoot!

Well, when all is said and done, at least he isn't making a fourth Rambo movie ... uh, oh!

Posted by Dave Smith at 6:31 AM | | Comments

Monday, October 10, 2005

The Cream Always Curdles at the Top

Was talking with my brother the other day ... I love the fact that, having cell phone plans with the same company, I can call him on a whim if I have something funny happen, have a random let-me-bounce-this-idea-off-you thought, or just need to chat with my best friend. Thank you Cingular Wireless, I know you do it simply for altruistic reasons, never thinking of a profit ... and I thank you.

Anyway, in talking with him the other day I was forced to chuckle. He mentioned that at the church he ministers at, they had gone back to having just two services at their church instead of three that the church had been having. It gave him an extra half hour of sleep time. He also noted that the praise team/band he worked with probably appreciated the bit of extra time they would now have each Sunday. He admitted that having to be there at 7:30 am was difficult for some of them and thus, many were late for the Sunday morning rehearsals, rolling in between 7:35 & 7:45 am each week. Now, not having to be there until 8:00 am on Sundays, they would most certainly be on time, right?

As you may have guessed, he mentioned that some of the same ones arrived at 8:10 to 8:15 am. It begs the question ... why? I doubt that it is a lack of respect for Steve. On the contrary, when I have been there, they all seem to love and support him incredibly and enjoy his leadership in the ministry. Nor do I think it is necessarily a case of people going out of their way to selfishly say, "I'll show up 10-15 minutes late to emphasize that I am the one in control here."

Instead, it is simply a case of irresponsibility. I have even heard people in our own church say things like, "If you want me here at 8:00 am, you'd better say be here at 7:45 am or I won't make it." Again, the question comes to mind ... why? Why must the leader of a ministry, class, or event assume that participants will not show up on time? You may think I am being obsessive about this--making a "mountain out of a molehill" so to speak.

We don't put up with it in other areas of our lives do we? If we work and our boss/company pays us 80% of what was agreed upon, do we feel it is acceptable for the boss/company to shrug their shoulders and tell us, "If you wanted more than we agreed to pay, you should have negotiated more, because everyone knows we never pay as much as we agree to our workers." Or might you get a little worked up if you ordered a pizza and when it was delivered, it was missing two slices. You wouldn't simply laugh it off and say, "Oh well, next time I guess I need to order a pizza and two slices on the side so I get a whole pizza." Nope, you'd be on the phone to Bobo's Pizza telling them to get the driver back out here to make things right with your order. Why, because when you ordered a large pizza, the responsible, reliable, and, dare I say, ethical thing to do is to deliver a whole large pizza. If not, Bobo's would no longer get your business, would they?

The point is, in certain areas of life, we have an expectation of a person/company taking responsibility for dependability and commitment. Why should our ministry/service at the church be any different? Why should it be, as I mentioned Sunday in my message, that "no matter how high or low you want to set the bar, there are people that will always rise or fall with it, just so long as they can maintain their current level of mediocrity!"

Is this a small thing? Sure, but remember that it was the Lord who said in a parable,
"Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities."
--Matthew 25:21 ... New Living Translation ( emphasis mine)

If I can't handle being on time, following through reliably on minor responsibilities and commitments that I have made, why would the Lord seek to trust me with the more important spiritual matters? As we also talked about Sunday, approach all commitments and responsibilties with the mentality that God set forth through the apostle Paul:
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."
--Colossians 3:23 ... New International Version
I don't say these things to be a nag or because I am obsessive about the little things, but to illustrate the truth of our example to others. Being on time, making sure details are taken care of that you are responsible for, and showing up when you have promised to be there is more than courteous and dependable, it sets an example to others about the importance of the ministry and service that you have committed to doing ... not for me or anyone else, but for God!

Posted by Dave Smith at 9:36 PM | | Comments